Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You work out of a Hotel?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
