stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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