Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
