What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
