Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
