I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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