I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
