Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
