It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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