Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
