I hate your face
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
