my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
