i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
