I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
