it was like his penis was on wheels.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
