life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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