i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
