At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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