Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
