Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
