On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
