As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
