whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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