i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
