....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
