I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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