What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
