I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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