the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
