And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
