A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
