Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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