What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just high enough for therapy.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
