okay pat passed out under dana's car
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
