Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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