what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
