My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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