Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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