not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
