So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
