Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
