I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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