what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
