I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
