That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
