So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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