I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
