The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
