Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
