I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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