Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
