i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
