my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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