Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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