If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
