guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I faked an abortion last night.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
