He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
