Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
