Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
