do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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