ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Randomize
