Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
