; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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