i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
