Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
