Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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