I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
