I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize