I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
