I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
