i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
