I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Sorry my hands just texted you
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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