I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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