i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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