Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
