They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
